THE NATIVITY STORY: Dad Almighty

March is Women's History Month, so round these parts we round up films directed by women. This week is a movie about two and a half dads.

Other Reviews in this Series.

Director: Catherine Hardwicke
Writer: Mike Rich
Cast: Keisha Castle-Hughes, Oscar Isaac, Hiam Abbass, Shaun Toub, Ciarán Hinds
Runtime: 101 mins.
2006

Imagine my surprise when Catherine Hardwicke's The Nativity Story establishes itself as a shabby Lord of the Rings knockoff within the first few seconds. It's the haunting rendition of "O Come, O Come Emmanuel" that does it, though you can find telltale signs of mimicry anywhere from the tone of self-important grandeur, to the impressive production values, to the shared distributor: New Line Cinema. In theory, the idea seems to have been an update of the painfully familiar religious fable of the Savior's birth for a new generation. In practice it is pompous and dull. There's a reason Tolkien expressed his beliefs via a heavy lens of mythology. These stories simply aren't as interesting if you literalize them. The folks who critiqued The Lord of the Rings films for being mostly walking ought to take a gander at this slog.

The film endeavors to be a heap of rubbish in the least spectacular way possible. The cinematography is approximately competent, save some inexplicable camera movements, but it is awash in the most unappealing "Biblical" browns and grays so as to siphon away any pleasure that could be derived from the well-financed set, props, and costumes. The script is far worse, with dialogue careful to traffic only in vagaries, so as to avoid accidentally making a statement about something. This is a screenplay (penned by Mike Rich, veteran of Hollywood Oscarbait) in which the phrase PREPARE YOUR TAXES is meant to fill us with a sense of ominous dread. Even more dire is the plot. The A-plot is stuck in a perpetual first act, while the B- and C-plots (King Herod's machinations; the Three Wise Men) are so inconsequential I couldn't even tell you which is the B- and which is the C-. The villain Herod wanders around the sets tossing offhand threats at a hypothetical Savior, while the wise men ride their camels and wonder aloud whether the Savior will really be waiting for them when they arrive. At least they play with some fun science wizard gizmos at the beginning.


The Nativity Story is the worst kind of bad movie, one which is made with a modicum of competence and a severe lack of inspiration. The only element that comes close to being embarrassing enough to speak of is the performance of Alexander Siddig as the archangel Gabriel. His voiceover prophecies are barked in a cranky, cavalier manner, as if God Almighty woke him from a pleasant nap with orders to pass along a message. It's worse when he shows up bodily; Siddig has so little screen presence that he undermines any power the screenplay affords Gabriel.

Some respect due--they actually cast people of color in these roles. Unfortunately, the cast is dour above all else. That goes double for Mary, upon whose shoulders the heart of the story intends to rest. Keisha Castle-Hughes plays the Holy Mother as perpetually consternated, a teenager whose phone has been confiscated. The sole buried gem is Oscar Isaac as Joseph. His character is the only one who appears to be doing anything like thinking or considering or choosing, so there's at least something to look at without your eyes glazing over. This disparity in talent has the peculiar effect distracting the narrative from Mary's struggle. We become much more interested in the man who chooses to be surrogate father to the King of Kings.

As much as I rag on this movie, I'm not inclined to place the blame at Catherine Hardwicke's feet. She used this project to propel her to the massive success of Twilight two years later, before she got ousted from that franchise as well as every subsequent high profile project that she publicly pursued (The Maze Runner; Tomb Raider; Hamlet). She keeps herself busy in Nativity by doing a wee bit of play with depth of frame supported by shuffled blocking. There's only such much you can do when your script and concept are unsalvageable. She did exactly what the studio required of her: make an inoffensive retelling of a biblical story with a sheen of professionalism so the religious right can foist it upon their family without the cognitive dissonance of recommending a shaggy movie. My own impulse would have been to sabotage the film any which way I could, but that just makes Hardwicke a better journeyman director than I.

1 / 5  BLOBS